The choice

“..yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Saviour”
( Habakkuk 3:18)

Prerounds. The early morning rush to get everything straight before the consultants came was on. I took my exam sheet and walked into room number 5, to a very peaceful looking mother. As we got talking about what her 1 year old had come with, my heart sank lower and lower, and my mind a tangled mess of questions and emotions- the unfairness of it all, the injustice to this family, the pain. What could you possibly say to this family?
Her baby had an advanced stage malignancy, with a superadded infection. For a whole 5 minutes, my mind couldn’t get past that information. As I walked out after completing my examination, I simply couldn’t help but go over the mother’s words, when I asked her how she was coping. Her only reply was, I’ll make the most of the time I have with her. Tell me what’s the plan for today, doctor.
There was no blaming anyone, no self-pity, no wondering what the future held- she had chosen to take one day at a time.
She chose her attitude towards a circumstance she could do nothing about.

Habbakuk chose his attitude.

There are days when I feel dizzy with the endless possibilities that could have been, as to what they are now. Don’t get me wrong , right now is great but my hyperactive brain goes into these overthinking modes, where when I look through those those glasses, right now could be better. You get what I mean?
Many times, when we look at our circumstances and happenstances, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of self pity, entitlement or sheer rebellion.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve caught myself with this pattern of thoughts especially on days when I feel overpowered by the happenings around me and just want to sit around and sulk. Those are the days when we feel like we have been wronged by the whole world- our families, our friends, our upbringing, everything and everybody associated with us. I for one have many a time thought, did I miss the train that led me to where God actually wanted me to be?
Circumstances might be trying, or less than ideal- Maybe you feel you have been manipulated into a situation, maybe you feel you deserve better, maybe this wasn’t exactly how you imagined your life would turn out, maybe you think you need more time, and yet you don’t have it, maybe you can’t just get over what a great past you had, and how what you have around you is not anywhere close- I don’t know…can you think of any more?

Sometimes the injustice around you, makes your blood boil. Sometimes, you wonder whether God actually sees.
A quote I came across recently read like this,
“Accustom yourself to unreasonableness and injustice. Abide in peace in the presence of God Who sees all these evils more clearly than you do, and Who permits them. Be content with doing with calmness the little which depends upon yourself, and let all else be to you as if it were naught.”
Read it again. And read it slowly.

Around the time we got married, someone jokingly advised me, ‘ There may be days in your life when you wonder whether you’re with the right person. I strongly advise you on those days to but glance at the other name on your marriage certificate. That’s exactly whom God meant you to be with- for better or for worse.’
In a very similar manner, most days, we just have to rest and trust that God has us exactly where He would want us to be at. He is all powerful after all.
My prayer over the last few months was that God would help me clean out my messy thought life, and give me a heart of discernment. And God has been teaching me the power of choosing my attitude towards whatever circumstance I’m in.
Choosing joy over misery, choosing to trust God even when it doesn’t make sense, choosing to obey even if it’s hard, choosing to be kind to the other colleague when it feels like they don’t get you. Choosing an attitude of faith.

As I spent time in God’s presence, I lay to rest the need to know when the storm would end. It sufficed to know more intimately, my God who controlled the storm.

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Sometimes He weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me;
I see the seams, the tangles,
But He sees perfectly.
He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim;
He gives His very best to those
Who chose to walk with Him. (Grant C. Tullar)

May God enable you dear reader, as we navigate another year ahead of us, to choose your attitude towards your circumstances, knowing that the Lord we trust in, has it all in His hands.
He’s weaving the story- yours and mine- and He’s not done yet.

One thought on “The choice”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s